Learning to Advent

“Leisure, it must be remembered, is not a Sunday afternoon idyll, but the preserve of freedom, of education and culture, and of that undiminished humanity which views the world as a whole.”

― Josef Pieper, Leisure: The Basis of Culture

The day I stepped into the chapel is the day I made peace with the year. ‘Tis the season to be rushed, harried, and stressed, but with a smile, a ho-ho-ho, and a jingle-bell ride! Leisure? Mr. Pieper, do you even know what we teachers are being asked to do in the 21st century? Is there another way?

Well, I have a personal story to share on that front. Perhaps it will help.

Fall was busy, as teaching always is, and I expected it to settle into a routine by October - but it did not, time even for writing seemed impossible, and the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were still overly hard. Teaching, mentoring, college counseling, parental concerns, meetings, and transcripts filled the days - teachers know the drill. Then came the events season: the gala, forensics tournaments, helping lead a round-table discussion at a university, a moderated debate, senior trip planning, and prepping for talks. Looking at my inbox, the questions and needs were piling up, spilling over, and began leaking out of the sides of the screen - no wait, those were my eyes watering at the hundreds of messages coming in every day.

The to-do list included one line item which said “finish CCF classes for semester” - then it was updated to “URGENT, finish CCF classes for semester” before it became “URGENT, finish CCF classes for semester NOW” and stayed that way on the weekly updates. Occasionally, I changed the color to red, bold - it didn’t help.

Then there is the house, the shopping, the food, the cooking, and wanting to make time to spend with my husband as well. Christmas planning loomed … oh help!

What was the problem? This was usually the stuff that gave me life and joy, the very reason to get up and begin the day excited over books and ideas, plans and labs, happiness over a home looking just so, with a wholesome meal over which the family could commune, and time left over for a walk and a book.

The frustration mounted as the work I felt I should be able to accomplish was not getting done, until the day came on which I finally took the time to pause in the Chapel to think about it.

The answer was not long in coming - Adoration has a way of doing that, quietly and simply. This summer I began a lengthier treatment for a medical condition that included extensive help to restore and repair nerve damage and mitigate pain. That is ten to twelve hours of my week gone just for that treatment alone. In reality, it is more like fifteen hours, as I am often too exhausted and drained to do much except rest once I get through the treatment and make it safely home. If it were not for the fact that progress was noticeable and significant, I would have given up weeks ago.

Fifteen hours a week? That could have answered a few hundred emails, finished the “CCF classes for semester” on one weekend, and made time for family, too! But… but I used to be able to do all of that and more, isn’t this just laziness? I felt God staring at me with an amused smile - you were younger, and you weren’t fighting this hard to get well.

Well, Lord, that 2x4 hit squarely, but now what? There are things that NEED TO GET DONE!

The day I stepped into the chapel, I picked up Pieper to work on planning an Ethics class I am teaching. At the same time, I looked at a note on my to-do doc for a request to write on the best way to teach one’s children. The question came from a gifted classical educator whose wife was being lectured to quit working and homeschool her children as it was ‘the only way.’

The three moments - the chapel, Pieper, and the question, stopped everything, and I just stood there by my desk, looking at the pages before me as answers came together.

If there is one thing that getting older and working through some fairly serious illnesses should have taught me, is that there are few hard and fast rules, and most of those who insist on this or that way being the only way lack that vision of the world as a whole. We lack in faith, and in courage to ask about that world, and the wisdom to navigate it well. Not just we… I.

I had learned during the 2009 Lent when I was given less than a 3% chance of survival, to let go of perceptions of “one must.” Every Lenten rule I had made for myself was broken for something better. From the quiet prayer time I had planned that became a steady stream of old films to keep my mind going, to the abstinence from treats that became Italian ices as that was all I could swallow - I found God in every way I had not expected, and yet needed.

The eve of Advent comes with the reading from Isaiah that reminds us of the child to be born to us, the Prince of Peace, who would go on to remind us to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.” That is all that matters.

The Advent promise is one of hope and faith, that God will provide, and he will fill in the gaps, and He will show us the way. I am clearly a slow learner, but it seems that this Advent, God is reminding me of this truth. It is simple to say, and so hard for me to do in practice.

The Pieper passage that opens this message has long been a favorite, but I focused on the first part more than the final line on seeing the world as a whole. My world at present means including and embracing the reality that this treatment is exhausting and time-consuming even as it is healing. While I can see progress, the end is not yet reached, and I must remember to seek the Wisdom more often that shows me what I can and cannot do, where those boundaries must be drawn, and where I must say, “I can’t.”

For me, it may mean finding a way to create a scaffold for that “URGENT” CCF class plan now, so that those relying on that information can manage until I can complete the task in the way I know it needs to be done. It means prioritizing my students, and balancing that with what I can do physically. It means ensuring that there is time for me to care for my family and home - even if I can only clean or cook in 15-minute increments. (For me, my home and family are a priority.) It means realizing that talks work just fine even without updating and making fresher slides. It means it is OK to buy cookies once in a while instead of making them for students (even though that really hurts to do!). It means understanding that right now, I need that rest so that I can one day, God willing, happily work through lists once again and not have to budget recovery time.

I messaged a dozen people and asked to schedule meetings over the summer, and not now. But, it meant I could meet with a former student more often, whom I have the privilege of teaching OCIA. Lord, I am trying, I just learn so slowly…

I also finally said some things that needed to be said - I tend to be too polite and careful of the feelings of others. I was getting upset by people from a specific group turning to me with their confusion, outrage, or hurt feelings thanks to an especially pompous self-crowned guru of classical education, whose only advice to any and all questions is to read Plato - those who dared disagree were shown the door. The chap became irritated at me for offering to talk to someone who was struggling with a teaching question. Calls solve problems far faster than endless typed messages… but… how dare I? Exhausted from a longer treatment session, I finally just messaged him that God bless him, he could do as he wished, and I would continue freely supporting anyone who needed help. His response was less than charitable. I cringed when I showed a priest the exchange, ready for correction - and was shocked when he applauded the action. “When in ministry, you must be able to discern who or what is pulling you from the work God wants you to do. You are wasting your time on someone who is not about to be kind, logical, or open to the truth.” The priest laughed at my shock, and encouraged me to speak up more often.

What God keeps trying to make me learn is to listen to Him more attentively, to learn to let go, to pause and rely on Him more, not only for the day-to-day but in where and how to draw those boundaries. The gift of poor health is a good teaching tool for me, it seems.

To the educator who is being pressured on homeschooling, it is OK to kindly draw a boundary line and remind the lecturer that you will do what God is calling you to do for your family, thank you very much. We are blessed with the freedom of choice, and you lean on Our Lord with great faith, I know that. If there is one thing I can suggest - lean harder. Trust Him. Discern His will. If that means homeschooling, do it. If that means sending your children to a school, then do His will, no matter what anyone suggests, lectures, or insists otherwise. There is not much else I could say to that, really. Clearly, it is a lesson I am still learning myself as well.

As teachers, whether we are homeschooling, teaching in a classical academy, or even in a public school - as we enter the Advent season, and teaching becomes hectic and stressful, may we remember God’s peace. In 2 Kings, Hezekiah is reminded, “The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.” It will all get done in God’s time. We give our best, we give all we can, we take responsibility for the stewardship of time, and we trust God to guide us now and forever more. It is a great lesson to teach our students, too.

O come, O Wisdom from on high,
who ordered all things mightily;
to us the path of knowledge show
and teach us in its ways to go.

Refrain:
Rejoice! Rejoice! Immanuel
shall come to you, O Israel.

A peaceful and joyful Advent to you all!